Getting the Results You Want
Have you ever thought about how often you get the results you want? Wouldn’t it be interesting to have an inventory of all our wishes and desired results, and how many we attained? For those we did attain, was it something magical that made it happen, or just our destiny, God’s will, our own willpower, or was it just luck?
Research indicates that one of the main reasons we don’t get what we want is because we don’t know what we want! How can we be there, if we don’t know where to be? Bill Cosby says, we need to be sure to tell God exactly what we want because God has a “sense of humor” (this is not a factual part of my research, of course, but can’t you relate his humor?).
Much literature today talks about the need to have our conscious and subconscious minds in “sync” to be able to get the results we want. Research cites that 80% of our decision-making is subconscious. The analogy being used is the conscious mind is like the “rider”, and the subconscious mind is like the “elephant”. How do we get the elephant to move in the direction we want?
One study I read described a research project in which two independent groups were asked to taste test a strawberry jam. The first group ranked the jam just like the expert taste testers. The second group, who were asked to analyze their decision, shifted their focus to attributes that didn’t even matter to them, like spreadability, and they actually chose the jam they didn’t even like so much. It seems that if we cut ourselves off from our natural instincts, we are less equipped to make clear, smart choices. It seems that rational decision-making may not be so “rational”!
Even though the words may be different, all the “result gurus” talk about the importance of energy, enthusiasm, fun, and the fact being, that “people really only do what they want to do! We must know what we are passionate about. We must be a friend to ourselves and we must surround ourselves with friends!
To get the results we want, we have to have the ability to influence others that must be “on our bus, going to the same destination with us”. How many times have you looked back on your life or a project and realized your loved one or co-worker really wasn’t there with you? Getting people “on the same bus” requires a great deal of self-awareness about our own desires and the desires of others.
Are you really listening to your thoughts and those of others? When was the last time you asked your loved one, co-worker how you are doing? Why are we so afraid to do this? In coaching clients, I have found “fear of failure”, “fear of loss of control” to be great obstacles. Interestingly, “fear of success” is also an issue. Another factor is failure to acknowledge our strengths and limitations and those of others. We are so often busy competing, we don’t take the time to collaborate and realize the strengths of a true team effort.
The famous Tony Robbins talks about how important it is for us to be certain about what we are going to accomplish. Even though many of us read the Little Engine that Could, and remember, “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can”…….today, we’re being told the importance of envisioning the outcome, and saying to ourselves, “I did it, I did it”, even before we did do it! It is about being more than optimistic; it’s being “larger than life”, “a part of something greater than us”. This is, I think, what many people call “faith”. It also requires the practice of “affirmation”, to sooth the fear of the little boy or girl, in all of us.
While we’ve been discussing the most important aspects of getting results ( knowing what we want and what others want and the attitudes or habits to be overcome) the lack of skills or knowledge can also stop us from getting results. Acquiring the skills and knowledge requires time, practice, and persistence to tolerate mistakes and frequent setbacks that history tells us happen to all “successful” people.
The research says we only use 25% of our potential, due to our early conditioning. To be able to get results, we have to understand this conditioning and the satisfaction we are deriving from our current attitudes and habits. We can’t just take them out. Our brain won’t tolerate a void. You have to override your current attitudes and habits. Getting where we want can take a great deal of effort, so setting goals and frequent rewards for milestones is what we must use to override our current condition.
Our success depends upon our Passion, Goals, Skills, Knowledge and, most importantly, our Attitude!
